I am currently the oven for a healthy 22 week old baby boy fetus. woot!

Jayme and I decided on a name too. Charles Jackson Kelly, AKA Charlie.

We decided to name him Charles based on the fact that we just like the name Charlie, but want him to have the option of going by Charles in case he ever feels like being a judge, or president or sumfin’.

Jackson is in honor of my Grandpa Jack, and my sweet baby boy, and Charlie’s big brother,  Jackson Ryder.

So on July 5th, 2010, another Kelly boy will be born into the world. Hopefully he will have the spirit of his big brother, and a personality all his own.

So heres the updates about my life, for all zero of you who read this.

Lily is still the smallest girl in her class. But she’s fiesty. She’s got a serious problem with swaering though. I’m guessing she gets that from me. We’re working on getting that under control…..and as funny as it is to hear a 6 year old say ” what the fuck is YOUR problem” its really, REALLY not a good thing.

Ryder is loud. LOUD. He’s majorly into anyting that has to do with fire trucks and/or ambulances. His lungs are still pretty weak, and we have to do a couple breathing treatments everyday and still use the rescue inhaler more then I would like.

Ruby is growing like a weed! Shes talking now and starting to use sentences and new words everyday. Shes currently obsessed with Alice in Wonderland, and pretty much never takes off her white tights. Shes clingy, always attached to my hip.

Scott is so big and looks so much like my mom! He’s all about  football, and LOVES the Lions ( he’s the only one, I think) so we watch the games together, brother and sister time is what we call it. He slips and calls me mama a lot. It breaks my heart every time. I try to always keep our Moms memory alive in him.

Jillian moved out. The father of her child decided that his parents house was a better place for them to be, and instead of putting up a huge fight for a tenager who, in my opinion, is incredibly damaged and traumatized, I let her go. She’s always welcome back. But maybe she needs this to learn just exactly how good she had it here.

After getting hit by a car in Miami, Jim and his boyfriend have been living with me. Its cozy and I like having my family around.

I am pregnant. 10 weeks this monday. Yep.

Lets hope that 2010 is better then 2009…god willing

It brought me to tears. Seriously, I had to pull over.

So I did it. I cried over another dumb situation, that I said I would never get emotional about ever again. I decided to forget that I had emotions after a certain doctor flipped out on me. But they snuck up, sucker punched me, and ran.

Ben is back in town. In Lansing. At my house as we speak.

Sometimes I wonder what happened between Ben and I. Sure, he wears crocks and courderoys. He listens to completely aweful and obscure music. Hes a new found vegan, and that bugs me for some reason, hes sensitive and has been known to cry more then once in a day, he talks things out, he builds decks, and drags me to Home Depot at 6 am on my birthday,  and he never hurt me once.  He never looked at other women. He never raised his voice. He never went out of his way to make me feel bad. And I let him go.

So now, he’s here, and hes doing all those “ben” things that he always did back in Seattle, and maybe I’ve just had my fair share of bad men and bad things happen to me since breaking it of with Ben, but right now, he’s in my house, and he seems odd and perfect.

I let him go, and he came back. Isn’t that what they call……love?

EEEEEK!

hahaha, I’m off to listen to aweful and obscure music with McScenster

The Man who is my friend, but not my manfriend freaked out on me. There was a table involved, and fish at a steak house. We don’t talk anymore.

I started therapy. Its amazing. I feel balanced again. I recomend it to all you crazy folks out there.

I got hit by a car on a family vacation in Miami. Broke some bones, bruised my ego etc etc

My 13 year old sister got pregnant. I am now being asked to sign over my rights as a legal guadian by her babys daddys parents.

And again…I do not live in a trailer park…it just sounds like I do.

*sigh* shoot me.

Ryder was born 6 weeks premature. Because of this his lungs were sliiightly under developed, and because of this, he spent his first couple weeks in the NICU. Ryder was born prematurly because of the ‘fender bender’ that his father got into when i was in the car with him. And although Corey calls it a fender bender, it was a full on frontal collision with a ford escort, going 50 mph. I went into labor right away.

So needless to say, I curse Coreys name every time Ryder gets sick. And thats alot.

Granted, for being premature he is a normal little boy. He does have to have nebulizer breathing treatments at night and he has asthma, and his lungs are still a lil smaller then those of a 3 year old who wasn’t born pre-term, but there was no brain or organ damage. He’s smart as a whip, and his kidneys and liver and heart and all that good stuff work perfectly.

But anyway back to last night.

Ryder has been under the weather for the past 3 days. He’s been coughing, having trouble catching his breath, running a fever and in general, just feeling crummy. Then at about 9pm last night, he started really struggling to breath so we drove 100 mph to get to the hospital and when we walked in- it was PACKED!

Stupid me, i had not even thought about all the hypochondraics taht would be in the ER thinking they had the swine flu. DAMMIT! So we checked in and I explained to the very stern nurse at the desk that my child was having a really hard time breathing and that he needed to be seen immediatly. And do you know what that bitch said to me?? Take a seat ma’am, we have a lot of upper respitory complaints in here tonight, it might take a minute.

UMMM- WHAT?

So here’s where knowing a doctor pays off. I paiged Gabe since he was working anyway, who showed up in the ER in what seemed like 1 minute, and took us to the pediatric unit right away, and the whole way out of the ER i gave that nurse the stink eye. She’ll get hers!

Once we were in a room and Ryder was on oxygen, we waited.

and waited.

and waited.

And FINALLY the pediatric resident came in, looked at Ryder and was ready to DISCHARGE gim.

oh hell no.

I went back into the hallway and ran up to her and asked her to PLEASE look in his throat, listen to his lungs, knock on his back, do ANYTHING lady!

So she sighed, and came back into the room with me, and actually did something medical. She used her stethescope, like a good little doctor, then she took him to x-ray which he screamed about, and when his films came back- she looked at me and said your son has pneumonia. I’ll call in a script, and we’ll discharge him right now.

Wait. wait. wait.

She wanted to discharge us when he was still on oxygen, and struggling to breathe.

We went to the Detroit hospital, which is an hour away. Gabe met us there and the funny thing about doctors is- they know just what to say to be seen right away.

The pediatric specialist at Detroit is a very smart and compassionate man, who saw a woman juggling 3 tired kids, one of which is wheezing and out of breath, and helped us asap.

They ran tests, and took more films and did all that fantastic medical stuff that the other doc failed to be bothered with and after 7 hours of laying in a hospital bed with a 3 year old clingling to you for dear life because not only is he exhausted, but he’s also terrified and irritated, they gave us a diagnosis.

Upper respitory imflammation, fluid in lungs, doulbe ear infection, acute bronchitis and strep. Are you friggin kidding me?

So we were sent home with a mountain of antibiotics and cough syrup and ear drops and nebulizer treatments. Holy moly.

Thank god for health insurance, good doctors, and mcdonalds being open 24/7- cuz we were hungry on the way home!

I had a sleepover last night.

A grown up sleepover- that ended with me looking at the clock and realizing that Lily would be awake in ten minutes and he had to GO HOME NOW!

Now, I don’t really like living this way, but I will continue to live this way for as long as it takes because I will do whatever it takes to protect the kiddo’s from being confused or upset.

So- I’m sharing this with you not because I’m a skankwho likes to flaunt her sex life on the internet- I am sharing this with you because I think it’s important for me to get it out in the open, and commit to my decision.

Here goes-

For a few months now, I’ve been toying with the idea of possibly, maybe allowing myself to show interest in Mr. MD. But I fought it because, well he’s a doctor, and I’m a chic who sells skateboards. I don’t save lives, and he doesn’t step foot on a board- so what could we possibly have in common- right?

Wrong.

Turns out, we have a lot of things in common. For instance:

The general dislike of Rollerblades

Apple pie cheesecake

mindlessly watching the food network for hours on end, late at night

The use of sponge bob episodes to take away the sting of a bad day at work

 tattoo’s ( who wold have thunk it, right?)

Hair products that smell like fruit

getting grossed out by baths and people who soak in them

outrageous cell phone plans

the loss of the will to live without a GPS

the HATE for people who use the worlds ‘ i love you’ to fix and and EVERY mistake they could possibly make in a relationship

…and the list goes on and on folks

So with all of these things in common, I couldn’t figure out why I was pushing him away so hard.

I knew that I didn’t openly want a relationship around my kids. I knew that I didn’t want him fulfilling the Dad roll. And he knows these things too.

And it wasn’t until he told me this weekend, at my kids daycamp that he applied for a position at a Seattle hospital, did I realize why I was pushing him away.

I am attracted to success. It means that you have worked hard, you’ve made sacrifices, you are smart, dedicated, committed and in general- a leader.

I’ve dated successful men.

Ben for instance- CEO of a HUGE marketing firm in Seattle.

Corey- Executive chef at emerils flagship restaurant

Jeff- Independent Photographer for vogue magazine

I’ve dated success, and do you know what success has brought me? Disaster.

Not that lack of success has been any kinder to me- e.g. dave. But I digress.

I was pushing him away because he is the manifestation of ultimate success.

Doctors go through 4 years of college, 4 years of med school, 1 year of internship, and 4 years of residency. SURGEONS do alllll of that, and then they go on to complete  3 more years of surgical residency, just to be called a RESIDENT surgeon. It takes at LEAST 5 more years to be an Attending surgeon- if you don’t get fired, or kill someone by way of negligence.

And after all of those years of practice and sacrifice and working 100 hour weeks, burning 3000 calories a day, because surgeons never walk anywhere- they sprint, there’s Mr MD. Still loving life, still enjoying his career, still appreciating each and every patient.

That’s the ultimate success.

So in my mind, that equaled the ultimate disaster.

But with great risk, comes great reward ( as a good friend of mine reminds me regularly) so I’m risking it, again.

But this time- its just my risk. My kids won’t have to put their emotions on the line again. Just me. I’m strong enough to handle any ups, or any downs.

And thats my story, and I’m stickin to it!

On Saturday night, I sat up almost half the night with Gabe and wrote clues for the big easter egg hunt. Then we stuffed plastic eggs, hid baskets, and left ‘bunny prints’ all over the house, along with clues to find the easter eggs.

FUN!

On sunday morning my kids woke up to the scent of cinnamon rolls, and bacon and quiche and egg souffle and fresh squeezed OJ ( gabes work, not mine) and candy galore!

Lily and Ryder knew the drill right away, seeing as we had a mediocre egg hunt last easter, but Scott and Ruby needed some help, so we each took a kid, and one by one found the ” magic” eggs that the bunny left all around our house and yard.

It was so fun to watch their little faces when they opened up the plastic eggs and candy or money or a little toy fell out. SOOOO much fun!

After we ate, we headed over to Gabes house and to my surprise, he planned an egg hunt too. And I got to play! hehehehe. It was fun. And at the end of the hunt, all the kids got baskets, and I got a very special egg, that held a necklace that I LOVE LOVE  L-O-V-E!

So it was a good easter morning for all.

Then we went to the mall to get those herendous photos taken with the easter bunny who is really just a creepy dude who probably gets a rse out of kids sitting on his lap. Ryder was absolutley terrified, so i had to sit on the bunnies lap with him. That picure will NOT be getting posted.

Then we all came back to the house and ate an early easter dinner, rented a bunch of movies, got in our pajamas and relaxed in front of the TV alllll night.

Couldn’t have asked for a better day, even if was (in my eyes) a pointless holiday.

When I was a kid( one million years ago) the ‘tooth fairy” left me a quarter under my pillow at night, in exchange for my teeth that had fallen out. My mom explained to me that the tooth fairy recycles the teeth, and your old teeth are the new teeth that babies get. ( umm, fucking gross!)

So, not only is that scary, that babies got MY old teeth, but also that some one much like a repo man snuck into my room at night, and without waking me, left money under my pillow, and snatched my old tooth, for a baby.

So, I’m not a fan of the tooth fairy. At all. My daughter however, cannot wait until a tooth is loose enough to yank out of her mouth, and leave under her pillow. The tooth fairy now leaves kids 10 dollars per tooth. I guess its a supply and demand kind of thing.

So anyway, last night, after talking on the phone briefly, I go back into the living room to play with the kiddos, and i notice Ryder picking up a toy, and walking towards Lily. I thought nothing of it, until he SMASHED HER IN THE FACE WITH IT. Blood was everywhere, and I was furious, and Ryder cried and signed that he was sorry, and Lily ran to the bathroom. I ran after her, assuming that I would be running to a little girl in pain, who was scared and bleeding.

Not the case.

She was standing on the step stool looking in the bathroom mirror, trying to yank her tooth out! And before she noticed me, she said under her breath  “guess he’ll have to hit me  again”

Turns out, my oldest, and supposedly most cautious child, had bribed her little brother into smashing her in the mouth, to the tune of one packet of frosted animal crackers.

Well, the tooth was loose, and because I’m paranoid, I prefer Lily to not go to bed with a loose tooth if we can get it out before then. I read an article- kids choke on their teeth…its real.

Anyway, we tied a string onto in, and I gave Ryder the privilege of yanking it out of her gums.

And she loved it. Ryder cried though. He’s not a fan of blood. OR being bribed, apparently.

So here’s a couple things I don’t quite understand about the situation itself:

1. Ryder has access to frosted animal crackers all day long. I don’t hide them, or put them up high. They are just animal crackers for god sakes.

2.Lily has no fear. None. So why not just smash herself in the face? For a minute, I thought it was fight club.

3. Money means nothing to her. Ten dollars shouldn’t be motivation to rough up her mouth.

4. Was i like this as a child? If so…sorry mom!

In other news, over the weekend, I came down with a cold of some sort, or at least thats what I thought at first. My good buddy Mr. m.d prescribed me cough syrup with mass amounts of codeine in it, and I slept for 1000 hours straight.

When I woke up on Sunday, I was so cold I didn’t want to move, and when I called Gabe to come and put me out of my misery, my temp was 104 and we went to the ER.

Turns out I just had a wicked bad bug, and they pumped me full of antibiotics, gave me IV fluids and sent me home feeling 100% better.

I ended up going to Gabe’s so he could ” keep an eye on me” and we watched the movie Bewitched and I fell asleep.

Another spectacular weekend. bleh.

In other news, my kiddos are coming home tomorrow!!! I’ll let ya know how that goes! WoOoOoOoOoooooOOOOT!